after careful consideration i have decided that i will no longer be participating in anything at all
All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes should be called Four Pancakes.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 15, 2017
My blood type is A+ because I’m the best at everything. Even at having blood.
— Spaison Cat (@catstronomical) January 28, 2017
Please insert your card
Do not remove card
Do not remove card
Do not re–
REMOVE CARD NOW! REMOVE IT NOW! OH MY GOD ARE YOU CRAZY GET IT OU— maggie mull (@infinitesimull) July 14, 2017
They say video games make u violent, but hundreds of years ago we burned people alive for being witches so probably humans are just garbage
— beth can’t with this (@bourgeoisalien) May 12, 2016
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother
— bela lugosi’s beth💀 (@bourgeoisalien) May 7, 2016
Therapist: what's your biggest fear?
Me: being alone
Therapist [getting tarantula out of box]: guess again idiot— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 5, 2015